Abstain from Sex
A young couple wanted to join the synagogue, the Rabbi told them, "We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month".
The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the synagogue. When the Rabbi ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon... Is there a problem"?, the Rabbi inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month". the young man replied sadly.
The Rabbi asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat", admitted the man, shamefacedly.
The Rabbi lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our synagogue".
"We know", said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot either".