Wednesday 21st August 2019 - 14:41:43 

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A Woman Meets a Handsomely Gorgeous Man in a Bar.

A woman meets a handsomely gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially the very expensive ones on the top shelf, but she decides not to mention this to him and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him ..... they kiss . and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over and asks, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf"



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The Hand Warmer

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies, They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?



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First Timer

The young, virgin boy from Alabama drives to the big city in search of a prostitute. He finds one and explains he has never had sex before.

The hooker says, "No problem, honey," and undresses the boy, then herself, and lies down on the bed. He crawls on top of her.

"Okay, stick it in, honey...all the way in...now pull it out...now put it back in...now pull it out..."

"Tarnation, woman!" says the boy. "Will you make up your fucking mind?"



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The Headache

Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache.

"I've got a perfect cure for a headache," said his buddy Trevor. "Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails."

A week went by and they were in the bar again, talking. "Did you try my headache cure," asked Trevor.

"Yeah," said Phil, "Worked great! I had no idea how nice your house was, too!"


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Research Results

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, the French declared that the British were wrong and decided to conduct their own study of the same subject. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000 they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the woman with more sexual pleasure.

When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct its own study. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of around $75, the Aussies study was complete. They came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.




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The Pope Arrives at Jfk

The Pope arrives at JFK where he's met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, "Pope."

After getting the Pope's entire luggage loaded in the limo -- and His Holiness doesn't travel light -- the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Hey, Mr. Pope," says the driver in accented English, "Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive."

"That is very much against the rules!" protested the driver, wishing he'd never left Calcutta.

"There might be something extra in it for you," said the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105 mph.

"Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope," pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal. Then they heard the siren. "Oh, my Gods, now I am surely losing my license," moaned the driver.

The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he said to the dispatch.

When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he'd stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop.

"All the more reason." "No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop.

"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"

"Bigger." "Governor."

"Bigger." "Well," said the chief, "Who is it?"

"I don't know," said the cop. "But he's got the Pope driving for him."


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The Sneezing Woman

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.

The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man isn't sure why she is shuddering, and he goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose, then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"

The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

" The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper.


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The Mongolian Case of ...

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease".

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!” the man replies.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!"


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A Mother and her Young Inquisitive Son Were Flying

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."



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The Young Couple

A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out, "Oh bigboy, whip me, whip me!"

The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.

The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring??.

.... wait for it????????.












You've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."




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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

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