Previously on John's Jokes

Poems by Wife and Husband

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in a zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you

AND THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES........

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

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"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

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A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to Hell is Free.

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Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

...........................................................................

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

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*
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

...................................................................

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

....................................................................

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push... and life goes on........


Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband.
"Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!


My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.


Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...
Husband: "MISSING YOU"...


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to and touched often.
But push the wrong button and you're disconnected.......

Difference Between Complete & Finish...
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH.
But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE....
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!

Last but not least...

A wife, being the romantic sort sent her husband a text:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you!

The husband, typically non-romantic, replied;
"I am sitting on the toilet. Please advise".

Murphy the Roofer

Murphy the Roofer was working when suddenly he started shaking and feeling dizzy.

He calls down to Paddy the Hod-Carrier and says "I think I must go home, I've just come over all giddy and feel sick".

Paddy shouts up to Murphy on the roof "Have you got vertigo"?

Murphy replies, "No I only live round the corner".

Instant Cure for Baldness

A guy who was as bald as a coot had a big hang-up about his lack of hair. He had tried all types of treatments, but without success.

One day he passed a barber's shop with a sign in the window that read:



And beneath the sign was a photo of the barber with his flowing mane of hair.

So the bald guy went into the shop and asked the barber: "Can you guarantee that for $500 my hair will instantly look like yours"?

"Certainly," said the barber. "It will take no more than a few seconds for us to look exactly alike".

"Okay then," said the bald guy, handing over the $500. "Let's go for it".

The barber took the guy's money and then shaved his own hair off.