Previously on John's Jokes

Instant Cure for Baldness

A guy who was as bald as a coot had a big hang-up about his lack of hair. He had tried all types of treatments, but without success.

One day he passed a barber's shop with a sign in the window that read:



And beneath the sign was a photo of the barber with his flowing mane of hair.

So the bald guy went into the shop and asked the barber: "Can you guarantee that for $500 my hair will instantly look like yours"?

"Certainly," said the barber. "It will take no more than a few seconds for us to look exactly alike".

"Okay then," said the bald guy, handing over the $500. "Let's go for it".

The barber took the guy's money and then shaved his own hair off.

Crap Joke Central - Update 2013-04-21

Where do German farmers keep their tractors?
Auto barn

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A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pigmy standing beside a very large dead lion. Amazed, he asked,'Did you kill that'?

The pigmy answered,'Yes'.

The hunter then asked,'How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that'?

Said the pigmy,'I killed it with my club'.

The astonished hunter asked,'How big is your club'?

The pigmy replied,'There's about 100 of us'.

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Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way

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China has the worlds largest population. It is not because their men are extra horny, or be ause their women are extra sexy...

they have the largest population because their condoms are made in China.

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Paddy O'Murphy's wife gave birth to twins and he demanded to know who the other man was...

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South Africa Rhinos Under Threat From Poaching - try frying them instead :0)

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Sad news today, a man has died at a chocolate factory after hundreds of boxes fell on him.
He tried in vain to save himself but when he shouted "the Milky Bars are on me", everyone just cheered :)

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Lost Camper Finds Way

A husband took his wife camping for the first time. Considering himself an experienced outdoors man, he passed along outdoor survival tips at every chance he got. However, one day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. The husband tried the usual tactics to determine direction — moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day), etc., etc.

Just as his wife was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led them right back to the campsite.

"That was terrific", she said. "How did you do it"?

"Simple", he replied. "In this part of the country all the TV satellite dishes point south".