Selected Quotations

• 
  I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  
• 
  I sometimes wonder why I drink; I think that it's because I think.
  
• 
  I still really miss my ex but my aim is getting better
  
• 
  I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
  Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
• 
  I used to be Snow White... but I drifted
  
• 
  I wept because I had no shoes, until I saw someone who had no feet.
  Ancient Persioan saying
• 
  I would advise anyone not to have sex before marriage as you might be late for the wedding.
  
• 
  I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.
  
• 
  I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters (and keyboards).
  Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
• 
  I'm happy to report that it has been a couple of weeks since I had a cigarette and my desire to kill people is beginning to fade. Of course writing this has created an urge for a smoke...
  
• 
  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
  Groucho Marx
• 
  I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.” ~ Author
  Unknown
• 
  If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  
• 
  If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough.
  Mario Andretti
• 
  If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  
• 
  If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  
• 
  If random wit was easy then we wouldnt need Comedians.
  
• 
  If the going gets easier, you might be going downhill.
  
• 
  If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  
• 
  If you can learn before hand then there is no need to waste time making mistakes.
  JustJooz
• 
  If you can't be happy where you are, it's a cinch you can't be happy where you ain't.
  
• 
  If you don't find it in the Index,look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
  Consumer's Guide, Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)