Selected Quotations

• 
  A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
  George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright, essayist and literary critic (1856-1950)
• 
  A recent survey, proved that 80% of the males in Liverpool had sex in the shower, the remaining 20% have not been in Prison yet
  
• 
  A smile confuses an approaching frown.
  Author Unknown
• 
  A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
  Phyllis Diller
• 
  A woman filed for divorce from her husband because she asked for something for her birthday, any style or color, that would go from 0 to 200 fast.
  He gave her a bathroom scale.
  
• 
  About as reliable as a 'Thai pinky shake'.
  
• 
  According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
  
• 
  After all, in the words of the Swahili saying, "It is not what name others call you that matters, but what name you respond to that truly determines who you are."
  
• 
  Ah, life without nanny.
  
• 
  All generalizations are false.
  
• 
  All travel has its advantages. If the traveller visits better countries, he may learn to improve his own; and if fortune carries him to worse, he may learn to enjoy his own.
  Samuel Johnson
• 
  All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  
• 
  Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
  Martin Golding (citation tnx to chads2k2)
• 
  Always remember to be happy because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile.
  Author Unknown
• 
  Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  
• 
  And God said 'Let there be light'. But then the program crashed because he was trying to access the 'light' property of a NULL universe pointer.
  
• 
  And remember...
  Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll get it wrong.
  
• 
  Answer: Number 3 pencils and quadrille pads.
  Question: What CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer
  Seymoure Cray (1925-1996)
• 
  Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man eventually began walking upright. To free up their hands for masturbation.
  
• 
  Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man eventually began walking upright. To free up their hands for masturbation.
  
• 
  Arguing on the Internet is like running in the Special Olympics, even if you win you're still retarded
  
• 
  At the party last night, i asked every husband to go stand next to the person who made his life worth living... the bartender was almost crushed to death. :)