The Big Night
His agent says "okay Michael, I've got a bit part for you. It's in the Garrick Theatre, and it's a one liner I'm afraid."
Michael says this is fine, and discovers that his one line is: "Hark, I hear the cannons roar." So, for the rest of the week, when he's shaving, ironing, watching TV, he's saying his line, "Hark I hear the cannons roar, Hark I hear the cannons roar...".
It's the night before his big performance, and he goes out with his friends and gets totally inebriated,and passes out. He wakes up the following day, realises that he has 40 minutes until he's due on stage! So, he's in a fury. He showers as fast as he can, and runs as fast as he can to the theatre. When he gets to the back door, he starts drumming on it and it opens.
"Yes, who are you?"
"Well I'm Hark I hear the cannons roar"
"Holy shit, you'd better get through there pretty damn quick, your on stage in five minutes"!
So he runs up to make-up, throws on his costume and rubs makeup all over his face whilst running down to the side of the stage, but he's on the wrong side, so he sprints as fast as he can to the other side and he is literally thrown onto the stage when there's this sudden almighty bang.
Michael jumps back and screams "Oh my god what the fuck was that"?!
Nicked from Craigslist.org --> Rumpleforskin