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Top Drawer One Liners

 

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex
with his patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were
all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the
river.

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I
dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss
say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....Ann says...
'You better jack off, I've got a headache'.

Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital
to have a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging
one of those again!

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust
bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked
for your arse'.

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale
clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's
with a twinkle in his eye.....'Bonjour madame'.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too
much,it scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading
again.

Little girl gets lost in a Target store, security guard asks her
'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

A couple in a cafe in Llangollen, Wales asks 'Can you settle an
argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?'
The waitress leaned over and said 'Burrr gurrr king'.

Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey pokey has died aged 93. The
worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then
the trouble started.

It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started
walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't
know where the hell she is!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of
Her pussy. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the
tip of the iceberg!

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon
suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers
'Yes, I won't take it up the arse'!

There now, it didn't really hurt to smile or even laugh out loud!!!!

Quotes for Today:

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.
 


I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters (and keyboards).
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) 


I'm happy to report that it has been a couple of weeks since I had a cigarette and my desire to kill people is beginning to fade. Of course writing this has created an urge for a smoke...
 

This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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