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20 Rules Of Life Updated

 

  1. I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

  2. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

  3. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

  4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious, wear a white coat and carry a clipboard.

  5. I love deadlines.
    I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

  6. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

  7. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

  8. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
    My reality check bounced.

  9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

  10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

  11. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

  12. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

  13. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

  14. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

  15. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

  16. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

  17. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

  18. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

  19. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

  20. We will continue to have meetings until we figure out why nothing is being accomplished.

Quotes for Today:

A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
Roald Dahl  


A man is known by the company he avoids.
Unknown 


A man is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
 


¯\_(ツ)_/¯     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯




This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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