Blonde Jokes, Questions And Answers
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who almost caused a car wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: She believed him.
Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: They take off their makeup.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's whiteout on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the whiteout.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for French fries.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde die ice-fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How did the blonde get ready for Y2K?
A: She changed all her y's to k's.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you know if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a check book.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you make blondes laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
A You shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde spell farm?
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How does a blonde "high-5"?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
Q: If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?
A: The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down.
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third grade.
Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test?
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A1: She didn't like it 'because she couldn't get channel 9.
A2: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
Q: What did the really dumb blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: What do you call a blonde clutching at thin air?
A: A woman collecting her thoughts.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue!
Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A space invader.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to retrain them.
Q: What do you call a really smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen?
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: What do you call three blondes, sitting at a bar, singing, drinking Tab, and eating apples?
A: The moron Tab & apple choir.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm "sooo" drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Q: What's a blonde behind the wheel?
Q: What's 2 blondes in a car?
A: Dual Airbags.
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A You know they are out there but people have reported sighting UFO's
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: Why are the Japanese so smart?
A: No blondes.
Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!
Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't find the 11 on the phone!
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q:Why did the blonde jump off the building?
A: She had just bought Always with wings.
Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine?
A: Because she thought she was winning.
Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies?
A: Under 17 not admitted!
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
Q: Why did the blonde secretary cut off her finger?
A: She wanted to write shorthand.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
A3: Because they are easier to find in the dark.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.
Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: They can't get their heads in the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: She was throwing all the W's away.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Pinched from: http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/jkblonde.html