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Can't Miss Pick-up Lines

 

Nice legs... What time do they open?

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on Earth tonight.

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even further for that thing you do with your tongue.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

So, do you want to see something really swell?

Excuse me but is your last name "Gillette"......cause you are the best a man can get!

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on Earth, I bet we could do it in public.


Best pickup line


Wanna come over for some pizza and sex?
No? Why, don't you like pizza?

(Look down at your crotch) Well. It's not going to suck itself.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

Baby, I'm an American Express lover..you shouldn't go home without me.

Hey baby, why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!!

Hey baby! You look like you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

[motion for girl to come here with one finger], "If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!"

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Fuck me if I'm wrong....but haven't we met before?

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs.

Are those real?

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I sure can make your bed rock.

(offer guy/girl a screw) wanna screw?

Ya know, that shirt is very becoming on you......of course, if I was on you, I'd be cumming too.

The word of the day is LEGS, so let's go to my house and spread the word.

The only place I want to go is south of the border.

Hey you want to know what I heard about you? Fuck me and I'll tell you.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Why don't you come over and we can do math in the bed; add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and I'll multiply.

What's a nice girl like you doing on a face like this?

Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in?

Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?

Mmmmmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible"

Hey baby.....can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?

My shirt's chaffing me.....

Excuse me miss, do you give head to strangers? (No) Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

They call me Milk, because I do your body good.

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

Hey baby, wanna wrestle.

Hi, do you want to have children? (assuming the answer is no) Ok then, can we just practice?

You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

They say the best things in life are free.... they lied (but I do accept American Express)

This Valentines Day, I really want you to know how I feel.....So you better use both hands.

You can feel the magic between us......No,lower!

You're on my mind this Valentine's Day.....I'd prefer you on my bed.

This Valentine's Day I want you to know that I'm head-over-heels for you....and I know some other positions too.

Hey baby, can i tickle your belly from the inside?

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outtame.

Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screwya.

Yo baby, I bust more nuts than a squirrel.

Excuse me. Have I fucked you yet?

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

You look just like a hooker I know in Detroit.

Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

I want to floss with your pubic hair.

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

I like every muscle in your body, especially mine

[Grab his/her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

[Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.

I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.

My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.

This can save your bacon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Quotes for Today:

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
 


How did a fool and his money GET together?
 


I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
Richard Jeni  


The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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