Christmas Quickies

Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?


Q. How come Santa and Mrs. Claus don't have children?
A. Santa spends all his time with elves and fairies.


Q: How did Mrs. Claus come to marry Santa?
A: She was Magnetically Attracted to his North Pole


What is the most intelligent animal in the world?
The dog.It will walk up to anything and smell of it.
If he can't eat it or mate with it, he will pee on it!


Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to God and man up their nostrils, and then laugh at you for putting sugar in your coffee!


Please call me by my new Muslim name.
Seldom Bin Laid


Birds of a feather flock together...
and then they all crap on your car.


Q. Why is giving a BJ a win/lose situation?
A. He may have you on your knees, but you have him by the balls!


I'm not saying she's easy, but her pantyhose has a pet door.


Q: How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
A: The cow sat down!


Q. How do you know you've walked into a gay church service?
A. Only half the congregation are kneeling.


The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup.
It makes men cocky and women lay better.


I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.