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Crap Joke Central - 003

 

Why must I prove that I am me to pay my bills over the phone? Do strangers
call to pay my bills? And, if they do, why don't you let them?




The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can
be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.




My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.




My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the
195 lbs. I've gained.




I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks,
"Who does something like that?"




I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just
give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?




Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be
his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire
during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.




The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is
inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that's coming.




Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' .....If
you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... your life sucks!




If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need.....not
all this, "how did you get in my house" business!




The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's going
to get me something.




On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas
a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. ...This is
upsetting news to me............ I had no idea I was Japanese.




I can't understand why women are okay with JC Penny's older women's line of
clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."




I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of
tattoos.




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Quotes for Today:

There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.
Elbert Hubbard 


THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD! Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! And look at you - you're on the computer!!
 


Those who never win and never quit are idiots.
 


¯\_(ツ)_/¯     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯




This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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