Thursday 20th January 2022 - 02:50:00 

Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2014


Top Ten One-Liners

  1. I've decided to sell my Hoover - well, it was just collecting dust.
    Tim Vine

  2. I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set.
    Masai Graham

  3. Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.
    Mark Watson

  4. I was given some sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.
    Bec Hill

  5. I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me.
    Ria Lina

  6. Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.
    Paul F Taylor

  7. Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying.
    Scott Capurro

  8. I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven.
    Jason Cook

  9. This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it."
    Felicity Ward

  10. I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own backside.
    Kevin Day

Quotes for Today:

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the delights of life, which they are thenceforth to rule.
Thomas Carlyle 

Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
George Burns  

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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