Monday 6th February 2023 - 00:22:26 

Essex Girls Moved To Glasgow?


A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant.

"10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.

"Aw 'at's easy," says the girl... "A jist yaze thur surnames"


A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."


Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "Gies that rid yin"

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."


A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"

Girl: "OK

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Morag."

Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"

Morag: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Morag: "Glesga"


Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"

"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fcukin' hunners o' them!"


Another Glesga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

Danielle: "Ok."

Medic: "Ok the how many fingers have I put up?"

Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

Quotes for Today:

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Fashion is all about eventually becoming naked.

Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

Fuelled by: CodeIgniter - ver: 3.1.11  Debug: / 670,848Mb / 00:22:26 / 200 / No Errors