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Even More Bumper Stickers

 

* The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

* If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.

* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

* Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.

* We are Google. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

* Born free... taxed to death.

* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.

* There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

* BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

* I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

* So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

* Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.

* Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

* I need someone really bad... are you really bad?

* If, a two letter word for futility

* I don't care, I don't have to.

* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

* Wink, I'll do the rest!

* Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

* When there's a will, I want to be in it!

* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

* I love animals...they're delicious.

* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

* Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

* Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself.

* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

* A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

* Beam me up Scotty, there are no virgins left.

* Beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks!

* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

* I souport publik edekasion

* hoket on foniks werked fur me

* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

* 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

* I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

* I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

* Support your local hooker- Play Rugby!

* Give Blood...Play Hockey!


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Quotes for Today:

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
 


When the sun comes up, I have morals again
Elayne Boosler 


When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighter shaking hands.
 


¯\_(ツ)_/¯     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯




This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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