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Even More One-liners

 

Last night I reached for my medicine and accidentally drank from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.


My Girlfriend had a Near-Death experience today......Stupid woman thought she could Hoover whilst football was on the tele


Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed in my life....Like my name ,address and telephone number


My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ And then I saw her face......


My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Beehive matches his little face lit up when he tried to walk.. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.


I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, the ungrateful bastards. All I said was, 'hurry up for Christ's sake ............ some of us have got homes to go to!'


Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!

Quotes for Today:

A little inaccuracy can save tons of explanation.
Saki 


A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
Anonymous  


A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
Roald Dahl  


¯\_(ツ)_/¯     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯




This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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