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Facebook - Crap Joke Central - Update 004

 

Nicked from FaceBook's: Crap Joke Central

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Overheard in the pub:

A really brutally ugly guy walked up to a girl, squeezed her arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy".

The girl replied "Have you got a pen"?

The guy smiled and said "Yes of course".

She replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing".

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Overheard in the local Wat.
Did you hear about that Buddhist leader who retired and tended his crops?
He's now known as the Dalai Farmer.

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I took a picture of myself with books on my head.
I call it a shelfie.

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“I've always pictured ...

“I've always pictured myself taking selfies.”

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A sharp decline in the number of mating owls has been blamed on the exceptionally wet winter
I guess it's too wet to woo

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Ponderism for the today:

Surely, Noel should be Noe.

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Overheard in the local pub...

If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.

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Overheard in the Lecture Theatre...

The Chinese scholar was lecturing when all of a sudden the lights in the auditorium went out. He asked members of the audience to raise their hands. As soon as they had all complied, the lights went on again. He then said, "Prove wisdom of Old Chinese saying...

"Many hands make light work".

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So what if I can't spell Armageddon! It's not the end of the world.

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Overheard in the pub...

Last night when I was in bed with the wife, she asked me what I'd most like to do to her body.

Apparently, "Identify it" wasn't the answer she was after.

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I had to send a duplicate application to get a job making retro cars at Citroen………They needed 2 CV’s

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Nicked from FaceBook's: Crap Joke Central

Quotes for Today:

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
 


Remember, people move in the direction of praise, while criticism usually doesn't produce much movement at all, except away from the critic.
 


Search for the positive and you shall find it. Search for the negative and you shall find it. You will always find and often become what you are searching for.
 

This can save your bacon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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