The Fastest Joke Site on the Web
Content precedes design.
Design in the absence of content is not design, it's decoration.

How To Dump A Man

 

Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply...

___Your last name is objectionable.
I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___Your first name is objectionable.
It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date
has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___You failed the 20 Question Rule
i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___Your constant e-mailing
shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___You're too short.
Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

___You're too tall.
I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

___I find your inability to fix my car
extraordinarily unappealing.

___The fact that your apartment has been condemned
reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___The phrase "My Mother"
has popped up far too often in conversation.

___You still live with your parents.

___Although I still enjoy the X-Files,
I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend
lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___Your ability to belch the alphabet
is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight.
If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful
business trip.

___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,


Cruella de Ville

Quotes for Today:

True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information.
Winston Churchill 


Two men looked out from the prison bars, one saw mud, the other one stars.
 


Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation.
George Cheers 


¯\_(ツ)_/¯     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯




This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

Fuelled by: CodeIgniter - ver: 3.1.5  Debug: 54.196.127.107 / 755,608Mb / 18:13:36 / 200 / No Errors