Previously On Johns-Jokes
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Popular Quotations and Thai Translations
เราดีกว่าเดิมได้
เรายังดีไม่พอ We were not enough good,
แต่เราดีกว่าเดิมได้ but we could be better.
คนญี่ปุ่นใช้หลักดังกล่าวทั้งในการดำเนินชีวิตและการทำงาน
ประโยคแรกสอนให้เป็นคนอ่อนน้อมถ่อมตน
ประโยคที่สองสอนให้รู้จักพัฒนาตนเองให้ดีขึ้น
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"Life remains the same until the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change."
ชีวิตจะไม่มีการเปลี่ยนแปลงจนกระทั่งความเจ็บปวดจากความนิ่งเฉย จะมากกว่าความเจ็บปวดจากการเปลี่ยนแปลง
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"The determined man finds the way, the other finds an excuse or alibi."
ผู้ที่แน่วแน่และมุ่งมั่นจะหาหนทางแก้ปัญหา ในขณะที่คนอื่นจะหาหนทางแก้ตัว
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"The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure."
มีเพียงสิ่งเดียวในชีวิตที่จะสามารถพิชิตได้โดยไม่ต้องใช้ความพยายามมากมายคือความล้มเหลว
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"Some dream of worthy accomplishments, while others stay awake and do them."
บางคนฝันที่จะประสบความสำเร็จอย่างสวยหรู ในขณะที่บางคนกำลังลงมือกระทำ
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"No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings."
ไม่มีนกตัวใดบินสูงเกินไปถ้ามันบินด้วยปีกของมันเอง
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"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals."
อุปสรรคคือสิ่งที่น่าตกใจก็ต่อเมื่อคุณไม่ได้มองไปที่จุดหมายปลายทาง
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"Life is a big canvas and you should throw all the paint you can on it."
ชีวิตเหมือนภาพเขียนขนาดใหญ่และคุณควรจะใช้สีทั้งหมดที่คุณมีสร้างสรรค์มันขึ้นมา
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"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
ทำในสิ่งที่คุณสามารถจะทำได้ พร้อมกับสิ่งที่คุณมีและที่ที่คุณอยู่
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"Freedom is nothing else but a chance to do better."
อิสรภาพ ไม่ใช่อะไรอย่างอื่นเลย หากแต่คือโอกาสที่จะทำสิ่งต่างๆให้ดีขึ้น
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Wee Willie and Wanda
Wee Willie was walking with Wanda, his new girlfriend, carrying her books home from grammar school. Both were eight years old."Wanda," said Wee Willie with a worshipping gaze, "you are the first girl I have ever loved."
"Dammit!" said Wanda, "another beginner."
After a Long Night of Making Love...
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man. The guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?""No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" asked the bewildered guy.
The girl replied, "That's me before the surgery.
Heart Attacks
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Is your Brain a Wonderful Organ?
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
Nominated As the Best Short Joke this Year....
A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath."Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet."
The Change of Plea
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges".The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience" he demanded?
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me".
Little Johnny Asks his Father Where his Intelligence Comes from
Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from"?
The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have all of mine".
When the Thrill is Gone from the Marriage!
"The thrill is gone from my marriage", one buddy told another."Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair"?
"But what if my wife finds out"?
"Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her about it"!
So the guy went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together".
"Forget it"", said his wife. "I've tried that so many times and it never worked once".
Poem for Women
He didn't like the casserole,And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right,
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
I was looking for a clue;
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.