Monday 21st October 2019 - 01:59:32 

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Little Johnny Gets Advice from His Father

"My teacher is really giving me a tuff time" Little Johnny was telling his father.

"Handle it this way Johnny," his father advised. "Take special care with your personal appearance and attire, pay attention in class and do your assignments and homework promptly."

"I really don't think that'll help Dad," Johnny sighed. "She hissed at me during study break that she's 3 weeks overdue."


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The Student to the Sex Researcher

"In my case," said the student to the sex researcher, "when I get it part way in, my vision blurs. And when it's all the way in, I can't see a thing."

"Now, that's an most interesting optical reaction, that may well have anatomical as well as physiological basis." the researcher replied. "If you don't mind young man, I should like to have a look at it."

So, the student volunteer shrugged and stuck out his tongue.


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Popular Quotations and Thai Translations


เราดีกว่าเดิมได้

เรายังดีไม่พอ We were not enough good,

แต่เราดีกว่าเดิมได้ but we could be better.
คนญี่ปุ่นใช้หลักดังกล่าวทั้งในการดำเนินชีวิตและการทำงาน

ประโยคแรกสอนให้เป็นคนอ่อนน้อมถ่อมตน
ประโยคที่สองสอนให้รู้จักพัฒนาตนเองให้ดีขึ้น

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"Life remains the same until the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change."

ชีวิตจะไม่มีการเปลี่ยนแปลงจนกระทั่งความเจ็บปวดจากความนิ่งเฉย จะมากกว่าความเจ็บปวดจากการเปลี่ยนแปลง

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"The determined man finds the way, the other finds an excuse or alibi."

ผู้ที่แน่วแน่และมุ่งมั่นจะหาหนทางแก้ปัญหา ในขณะที่คนอื่นจะหาหนทางแก้ตัว

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"The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure."

มีเพียงสิ่งเดียวในชีวิตที่จะสามารถพิชิตได้โดยไม่ต้องใช้ความพยายามมากมายคือความล้มเหลว

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"Some dream of worthy accomplishments, while others stay awake and do them."

บางคนฝันที่จะประสบความสำเร็จอย่างสวยหรู ในขณะที่บางคนกำลังลงมือกระทำ

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"No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings."

ไม่มีนกตัวใดบินสูงเกินไปถ้ามันบินด้วยปีกของมันเอง

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"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals."

อุปสรรคคือสิ่งที่น่าตกใจก็ต่อเมื่อคุณไม่ได้มองไปที่จุดหมายปลายทาง

================//=================

"Life is a big canvas and you should throw all the paint you can on it."

ชีวิตเหมือนภาพเขียนขนาดใหญ่และคุณควรจะใช้สีทั้งหมดที่คุณมีสร้างสรรค์มันขึ้นมา

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"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

ทำในสิ่งที่คุณสามารถจะทำได้ พร้อมกับสิ่งที่คุณมีและที่ที่คุณอยู่

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"Freedom is nothing else but a chance to do better."

อิสรภาพ ไม่ใช่อะไรอย่างอื่นเลย หากแต่คือโอกาสที่จะทำสิ่งต่างๆให้ดีขึ้น

================//=================


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Wee Willie and Wanda

Wee Willie was walking with Wanda, his new girlfriend, carrying her books home from grammar school. Both were eight years old.

"Wanda," said Wee Willie with a worshipping gaze, "you are the first girl I have ever loved."

"Dammit!" said Wanda, "another beginner."



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After a Long Night of Making Love...

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man. The guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" asked the bewildered guy.

The girl replied, "That's me before the surgery.


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Heart Attacks

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion:

Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.


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Is your Brain a Wonderful Organ?


The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost


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Nominated As the Best Short Joke this Year....

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet."


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The Change of Plea

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges".

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience" he demanded?

Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me".


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Little Johnny Asks his Father Where his Intelligence Comes from


Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from"?

The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have all of mine".


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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

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