Monday 16th December 2019 - 12:17:41 

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Not a Joke but an Oldies Music Quiz Instead

(answers below)

Thirty great memories about music that caused our parents and teachers grief! Take the quiz and see how you score as a true 'Oldies Fan.' Write down your answers and check them against the answers at the end.


1. When did 'Little Suzie' finally wake up?
(a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock
(b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock
(c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock

2. 'Rock Around The Clock' was used in what movie?
(a) Rebel Without A Cause
(b) Blackboard Jungle
(c) The Wild Ones

3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint? Earth _____
(a) Angel
(b) Mother
(c) Worm

4. 'I found my thrill . . .' where?
(a) Kansas City
(b) Heartbreak Hotel
(c) Blueberry Hill

5. 'Please turn on your magic beam, _____ _____ bring me a dream,:
(a) Mr. Sandman
(b) Earth Angel
(c) Dream Lover

6 For which label did Elvis Presley first record?
(a) Atlantic
(b) RCA
(c) Sun

7. He asked, 'Why's everybody always pickin' on me?' Who was he?
(a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
(b) Charlie Brown
(c) Buster Brown

8. Bob [* PersonName *] by Darin's 'Mack The Knife,' the one with the knife, was named:
(a) MacHeath
(b) MacCloud
(c) MacNamara

9. A Name the song with ''A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.'
(a) Good Golly, Miss Molly
(b) Be-Bop-A-Lula
(c) Tutti Fruitti

10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term 'Rock And Roll'?
(a) Dick Clark
(b) Wolfman Jack
(c) Alan Freed

11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher:
(a) Little Richard
(b) Frankie Lymon
(c) Tony Orlando

12. Paul Anka's 'Puppy Love' is written to what star?
(a) Brenda Lee
(b) Connie Francis
(c) Annette Funicello

13. The Everly Brothers are . . ...
(a) Pete and Dick
(b) Don and Phil
(c) Bob and Bill

14. The Big Bopper's real name was:
(a) Jiles P. Richardson
(b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr.
(c) Marion Michael Morrison

15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr., started a small record company called..
(a) Decca
(b) Cameo
(c) Motown

16. Edd Brynes had a hit with 'Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb'.
'What TV show was he on?
(a) 77 Sunset Strip
(b) Hawaiian Eye
(c) Surfside Six

17.. In 1960 Bob by Darin married:
(a) Carol Lynley
(b) Sandra Dee
(c) Natalie Wood

18. They were a one hit wonder with 'Book Of Love':
(a) The Penguins
(b) The Monotones
(c) The Moonglows

19. The Everly Brothers sang a song called 'Till I ________ You.'
(a) Loved
(b) Kissed
(c) Met

20. Chuck Berry sang 'Oh, ___________, why can't you be true?'
(a) Suzie Q
(b) Peggy Sue
(c) Maybelline

21. 'Wooly _______'
(a) Mammouth
(b) Bully
(c) Pully

22. 'I'm like a one-eyed cat . . ..
(a) can't go into town no more
(b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor
(c) peepin' in a seafood store

23. 'Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do . .. ...'
(a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze
(b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
(c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise

24. 'They often call me Speedo, ! but my r eal name is . . ....'
(a) Mr. Earl
(b) Jackie Pearl
(c) Milton Berle

25. 'You're my Fanny and nobody else's . . ....'
(a) girl
(b) butt
(c) love

26. 'I want you to play with my . . . '
(a) heart
(b) dreams
(c) ding a ling

27. 'Be Bop A Lula . . .'
(a) she's got the rabies
(b) she's my baby.
(c) she loves me, maybe

28. 'Fine Love, Fine Kissing . . ....'
(a) right here
(b) fifty cents
(c) just for you

29. 'He wore black denim trousers and . . ..'
(a) a pink carnation
(b) pink leotards
(c) motorcycle boots

30. 'I got a gal named . . .'
(a) Jenny Zamboni
(b) Gerri Mahoney
(c) Boney Maroney

Answers: Scroll Down





* * * * * * * * * * * * *

1 (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. (b) Blackboard Jungle
3. (a) Angel
4. (c) Blueberry Hill
5. (a) Mr. Sandman
6 (c) Sun
7. (b) Charlie Brown
8. (a) Mac Heath
9.. (c) Tutti Fruitti
10. (c) Alan Freed
11. (a) Little Richard
12. (c) Annette Funicello
13. (b) Don and Phil
14. (a) Jiles P. Richardson
15. (c) Motown
16. (a) 77 Sunset Strip
17. (b) Sandra Dee
18. (b) The Monotones
19. (b) Kissed
20. (c) Maybelline
21. (b) Bully
22. (c) peepin' in a seafood store
23. (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
24. (a) Mr. Earl
25. (b) butt
26. (c) ding a ling
27. (b) she's my baby
28. (a) right here
29. (c) motorcycle boots
30. (c) Boney Maroney


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Midas Touch


Metaphorically, the 'Midas touch' is defined as someone of good fortune, for whom everything they touch "turns to gold".

Gordon Brown is said to have the 'Andrex touch.'


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The Priests Bathtime


It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

“Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been Saved.”

“Saved? And how did that come about?” asked the old nun.

“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”

“Did he?” said the old nun curiously.

Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if The Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then, Father John
guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”

“Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more curiously.

“At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my Heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.”

“That wicked old bastard” said the old nun. ”He told me it was Gabriel’s Horn and I’ve been blowing it for 40 years.”


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A Pilot's Story



During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."


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Squirrels At Church


There were five houses of religion in a small Texas town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will...

In The Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter ...

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

Nicked from:
http://office-humour.co.uk/tags/joke/11485/


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Tourists Momento's - Another Groaner


Artifacts and gifts for tourists are a major portion of an Indian reservation's economy.

Thousands of visitors tour reservations each year and will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of traditional Indian culture.

One enterprising Native American was able to outsell all of his competitors in the category of wooden dolls by selling them at a fraction of the cost others had to charge for them. Upon examining his dolls closely, they found that where hard wood was traditionally used, this Native American would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at an incredibly reduced price.

While he claimed his dolls were still authentic Indian dolls, his competitors complained that they were only...... cheap Sioux veneers


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Restaurant Customer Orders a Squid - Groaner


A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.

"Mais Certainement sir," says John-Baptiste the smarmy waiter. "Would you laahk to choose your squeed from ze tank over there?"

"I'll have that little green one with the moustache," says the customer.

"Mais Non!" Exclaims the waiter. "But he's the Chef's Favvoreet! 'E eez so small an' cute and friendlee. Surely Monsuier would prefer one ze the bigger, tastier ones non?"

"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one".

So the waiter gets the little green squid out and takes him to the chef - Jervaise - who puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and ... the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a cute fluffy smile!

"It's no good' says Jervaise. "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed'

Enter Hans: A massive bastard with tattoos all over his bare arms. Grunting, he takes the knife and pins down the wriggling squid while Jervaise bawls his eyes out in the corner of the kitchen. Hans raises the knife to chop the little squid's head off and ... once again the cute little squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little tentacles and twitching his little 'tache. So Hans too finds it impossible to kill him.
Eventually the waiter is forced to go out to the customer and explain why he can't have that particular squid....

Well you see Monsuieur........ Ze Hans that does ze dishes is as soft as Jervaise with ze mild-green furry-lip squid.


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Three Bulls Discussing the Arrival of a New Bull


Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first bull says, "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."

The second bull says, "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

The third bull says, "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

The first bull says, "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

The second bull says, "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.

The first bull says, "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

The third bull says, "Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"


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Viagra Prescribed by the Doctor


An older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra.

The Doctor looks over the man, and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail.

So the following week he shows up with his wife.

The Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments and she follows him back to the examining room. The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir," The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn't get an erection either.


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An Old Owl....


An old owl was perched on a tree on top of a hill one very cold night. He looked down in the valley and saw a light in a window so he decided to fly down to the window ledge in hopes there was some warmth escaping. Well sure enough it was warm, so he fell fast asleep. He didn’t know that there were two vetenary students inside studying for final exams.

The two vetenary students spotted the owl and decided to use him as practice. They eased the window open and gassed him.

The first student looked down the owls throat and said he has tonsillitis, so he operated.

The other looked at his butt and announced that the owl had hemorrhoids, so he operated.

They placed the owl back out on the ledge.

The owl woke up very groggy and flew away.

The next winter that same owl was perched on the same tree on a very cold night.

A young owl landed next to him and said brrrr it sure is cold out tonight.

The old owl agreed.

The young owl noticed there was a light down in the valley and suggested they both fly down there to the window ledge and maybe find some escaping heat.

The old owl replied "no way”, last year I did the same thing, passed out, woke up drunk and for the next six weeks I couldn’t shit worth a hoot or hoot worth a shit.


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