Wednesday 13th November 2019 - 17:06:04 

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A Bowl of Chili

A duded-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD.

He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do"?

The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead'.

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.


The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too'.


Many thanks to: Bob Fisher


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It's an Age Thing


An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.

The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally. Are you at peace with God'?

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof *!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof *!, the light goes off'.

'Wow, that's incredible', the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.

'Ethel,' he says, 'George is fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in The bathroom, and when he's done, *poof *! The light goes off'?

'OH MY GOD' Ethel exclaims!

'He's pissing in the fridge again'!!!!


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Lumber Purchase


Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and says, "We need some four-by-twos".

The clerk replies, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you"?

The guy scratches his head and says, "I'll go check", and goes back to the truck.

He returns and says, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four".

"All right. How long do you need them"?

The guy pauses for a minute and says, "I better go check." After a while, he returns to the office and says, "A long time. We're gonna build a house".


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Insurance Claim for the Lawyer and the Engineer


A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything".

That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything".

The lawyer thought for a moment, but was puzzled. Finally he asked the engineer, "How do you start a flood"?


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Shopping for her Very First Bra

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size.

She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra"?

The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.

After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

At K-Mart she marched up to the sales clerk, unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for these"?

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil"?


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I'm Concerned


Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence , but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe.



Has any one else noticed this? ...



It gets worse next year... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?


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Burglar Deterrent


"Get this", said a guy to his friend, "last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house".

"Did he get anything", his friend asked?

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk again".


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The Wisdom You can Find on Toilet Walls

1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men.
From n a Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.

2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you"?
From a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember

3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
From a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
From a Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana

5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
From a Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas

6. No wonder you always go home alone.
From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA

7. Beauty is only a light switch away.
From a restroom in the Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
From The Irish Times, Washington, DC

9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.

10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
From Revolution Books, New York, New York

11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
From a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL


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A Convicted Felon....

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago".



Nicked from:
http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=124366526


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I Already Paid

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."


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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

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