Monday 19th August 2019 - 23:34:57 

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Case Closed


I Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple of nice cold beers.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I pondered about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another baby". On the other hand, you'll never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the nuts".

I rest my case.

Case closed!




Contributor: HapSailor (Prostate Pointers)


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Street Juggler

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling.

The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now"?

"Yes".

"Oui".

"Sí".

"Ja".


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Four Juvenile Delinquents at the Zoo

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor", he said.

"Boys", said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.

Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong".

"My name is George", said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

"My name is Pete", said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

"My name is Mike", said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen".

"My name is Peanuts", said the fourth boy.


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Las Vegas Monks

Las Vegas has many churches, and people frequently drop casino chips into the collection plates.

The various churches cannot easily turn them into dollars, so a service was started by a group of Franciscan monks to pick up the chips weekly and go around to the various casinos and redeem the chips for dollars. They support themselves this way and provide a valuable service.

They are called chipmonks.


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Wife vs Girlfriend

Wife is like a TV
Girlfriend is like a mobile

At home you watch TV
but when you go out you take your mobile

No money, you keep your old TV
got money, you change your mobile

Sometimes you enjoy TV
but most of the time you play with your mobile

TV is free for life
but for the mobile, if you dont pay, services will be terminated

TV is big and bulky
mobile is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for TV is minimal
but for the mobile it is often high and demanding

Most importantly, mobile is a two-way communication ( you talk and listen )
but with the TV you must only listen ( whether you like it or not )

but always remember.....



TV’s dont have viruses
mobiles often do...




Contributor: Jlo


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Priceless Number-002


-'My wife went out to buy a jug of milk and never came back!

-'How are you coping?

-'I use this powdered stuff!





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Priceless Number-001

-'Honey, do I please you in bed?

-'Yes, especially this trick you do with your mouth!

-'What trick?

-'When you shut up and go to sleep!


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Texas Road Traffic State Trooper

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the driver's window, the driver rolls it down, and the trooper smacks the driver in the head with his night stick.

"Ow!" says the driver. "Why'd you do that?"

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."

The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer; I'm not from around here."

The trooper writes the guy a ticket and gives his license back, then walks around to the car's passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls the window down, and the trooper smacks him with his night stick.

"Ow!" says the passenger. "What'd you do that for?"

The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."

"What the hell does that mean?" asks the guy.

"Two miles down the road, you were gonna say, "I wish that lousy asshole would've tried that shit with me!"


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Passengers boarding at Gate 39


At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 39. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 404 will board from Gate 42".

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 404 would in fact be boarding from Gate 42.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program". "I hope you have a nice day".


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A Lady was being examined by her Doctor


While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your eyes sight, hearing, heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all sorts of trouble".

The lady started taking off her clothes.

Doctor, quickly stopped her and said: "No! No! Just show me your tongue".


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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




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