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The Happy Little Rabbit

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the Little Rabbit.

After a while the Giraffe and the Rabbit come across an Elephant about to do a line of Coke. The Rabbit says, "Oh, Elephant you really shouldn't do that. You should come running with us in the wood. It is much better for you." The Elephant looks at the Rabbit looks at the line of Charlie, shrugs his shoulders, then runs off through the wood with the Giraffe and the Rabbit.

Shortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin. The Rabbit runs up to him and says, "Hey, Bear, you shouldn't do that, think of your health. You'd be better of running in the woods with us." The Bear looks at the Rabbit, looks at the syringe, spoon and stuff, shrugs his shoulders, kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the Rabbit, the Giraffe and the Elephant.

After a while they come across a Tiger drinking his way through a six pack of beer. The Rabbit runs up to the Tiger and says, "Hey Tiger, you really shouldn't d that." and the Tiger immediately jumps up and starts beating the living crap out of the Rabbit. The Giraffe grabs the Tiger and pulls him off the Rabbit and says, "What the hell are you doing, man?" The Tiger gets one more kick in and says, "Ah, that little fucker really pisses me off; he always makes me run around the bloody woods when he's on Ecstasy!"


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Frank and his New Rifle

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right afterwards, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.

So the black bear has his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right afterwards, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death.. So the grizzly has his way with Frank.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting do you?


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Why We All Love Walter the Chemist

18 reasons why we love and want to date Walter the (Breaking Bad) Chemist :)


  1. They may name a molecule after him.

  2. He has all the solutions.

  3. He has all the right elements.

  4. He is constantly learning and improving his technique.

  5. He is used to pulling all nighters.

  6. He has significant figures.

  7. He is used to exchanging fluids.

  8. He knows how to handle hot items.

  9. He does it periodically on the table.

  10. He he'll give and take until he finds equilibrium.

  11. He always wears protection.

  12. He has no problems resorting to gadgets and gizmos to get the job done.

  13. He knows how to speed up or slow down the reaction before it comes to completion.

  14. It's a mystery what we wears under his lab coat.

  15. He likes to experiment.

  16. He has Chemistry!

  17. "Just a little bit more, slower, slower, almost there, yes, yes, YES!!!!"
    (if we get THAT excited about titration, just imagine the possibilities!)

  18. And most importantly than anything else...

    He has drugs!


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A German Tourist Walks Into a Mcdonalds

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."


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Cinderella Was Now 95 Years Old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she was happily sitting upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said: "Oh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do.

What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had"

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so handsome the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me"


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Two Southern Ladies

One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin' on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says "Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?"

To which the other woman replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice."

The first woman then says , "And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises."

The second woman again replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice."

"Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?"

"Oh", the second woman responds, "When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school."

"Why'd he do that?" the first woman asks.

To which the second fine southern woman replies, "Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jewellery their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I don't give a fuck, but now I say that's nice, that's real nice."


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Illegal Immigrants - Politically Incorrect

What do you call the first illegal Immigrant off the boat?
Amhere



What do you call the second illegal Immigrant off the boat?
Amhere Azwel



What do you call the third illegal Immigrant off the boat?
Amhere Azwell Azhim


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Middle Finger History


Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or shortened to "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew"! Since "pluck yew" is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative "F", and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird".

It is still considered an appropriate salye to the French today!

And "yew" thought "yew" knew every "plucking" thing.


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Army Induction Center Physicals


Two buddies are on their way to the U.S. Army Induction Center for physicals. Neither wants to go to war, so one says, "I hear that if you don't have any teeth they won't take you." They decide it's worth a try, so they stop at a dentist and have all their teeth pulled.

When they arrive at the Induction Center there is a line waiting to get physicals. They decide it might look fishy if both stand in line, one after the other, so one guy heads for the back of the line.

Just as he steps into line, a big ole farm boy hits the end of the line right in front of him, so the second toothless guy lines up behind him.

The first toothless guy steps up and the doctor asks, "Anything wrong with you"?

The guy says, "Well, no, except I don't have any teeth".

The doctor says, "Open up and let me have a look".

The guy opens his mouth and the doctor runs his finger around his gums and says, "Sure enough, you stand over there".

The line slowly progressed to his buddy while he waited. The farmboy in front of him steps up and the doctor asks, "Anything wrong with you"?

The farm boy says, "No doc, 'ceptin I have a little case of the piles".

The doctor says, "Bend over, spread 'em and let me see." The boy does. The doctor rams his finger in, pulls it out, looks at his finger and says, "Sure 'nough. You stand over there".

The next toothless guy having observed the examination with the farmboy steps up and when the doctor asks him, "Anything wrong with you"?

"Not a damn thing ... just give me a gun, I'm a fighting son-of-a-bitch"!!


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The Champion Jockey


A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP"! really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine".

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens - the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP"! really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me -- it's this bloody horse. What is he -- deaf or something"?

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf... he's BLIND"!


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The idea is to die young as late as possible

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Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

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