Thursday 25th April 2019 - 16:55:52 

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Understanding Engineering Design


A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can't be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the supermarket don't get pissed off and buy another product instead.

Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering consultant to solve their empty boxes problem, as the in-house engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort.

The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done to re-start the line.

A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share.

"That's some money well spent!" he says to himself, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report. It turns out the number of defects picked up by the scales was 0 after three weeks of production use. It should've been picking up at least a dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren't picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.

Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed. A few feet before the scale, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing the empty boxes out of the belt and into a bin.

"Oh, that," says one of the workers. "One of the guys put it there 'cause he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang".


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If you marry an Irish girl


The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......;)


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Difficult choices

One friend said to the other, "What is a dilemma"?

He replied, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.

Imagine that you are laying in a big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other.

Who are you going to turn your back on?




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Texas vs California

CALIFORNIA:

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor’s dog, then bites the governor.

The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

He calls animal control.

Animal control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 to test it for diseases and $500 to relocate it.

He calls a veterinarian.

The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 to test it for diseases.

The governor goes to the hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for infections from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail is shut down for 6 months while scientists from the Department of Fish & Game conduct a $100,000 project to make sure the nature area is now free of dangerous animals.

The governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.

The state legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

The governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.

The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training regarding coyote behavior.

PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million lawsuit against California.

TEXAS:

The governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.

The governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.

The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.


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Blonde caught speeding again



A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you"!


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Jailed Banknote Salesman turns Carpenter - Groaner

The banknote salesman was sent to prison for going into business for himself part-time. While behind bars, the warden made arrangements for the salesman to learn a trade. In no time, the salesman became known as one of the best carpenters in the area. He often got day passes to do woodworking jobs for people in town.

When the warden started remodeling his kitchen, he called the salesman, now carpenter, into his office and asked him to build and install new cabinets and countertops.

The salesman refused.

"Gosh, I'd really like to help you," he said, "but counterfitting is what got me into prison in the first place."


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Is Ammunition Getting Real Scarce

This morning was lucky and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way back to work, I stopped at the gas station where the most gorgeous blonde was filling her truck at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my dually and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo"?

I thought a few seconds and asked, "what kinda ammo ya got"?



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Lost in Harrods

A little Arab kid was crying because he lost his mother in Harrods.


A sales clerk says: "What does your mother look like"?


The little Arab kid says: "I have no idea...


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Old Manny and his doctor


Manny Cohen, feeling unwell, goes to see his doctor...

Doctor: "You are not getting any younger, Mr. Cohen", says the doctor.

Manny says "younger I don't want to get again, doctor, it's 'older' that I want to get"!!!




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George and his new wife


George decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, George and his new wife was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After along period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your clubs and golf cart".

George gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong"?

George says, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife”.

"Ex wife" she screams! "I didn't know you were married before"!

George retorts, ”I wasn't“!








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This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

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