Thursday 29th October 2020 - 01:51:08 

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The Flight Stewardess

The one I've always liked was about the (alleged to be true, but who knows?) unintentional cabin announcement after a particularly rough landing.

Upon getting safely (albeit roughly) on the ground and making the obligatory "Welcome to wherever ..." announcement to the cabin the pilot forgot to release his mic switch (or it stuck) and turned to the first officer to exclaim: "Gawd Almighty, that was a rough one. Right now all I want is a beer and blow-job".

One of the stewardesses in the cabin, in a panic to alert the pilot that his mic' is on, dashes toward the cabin door.

At which point a helpful passenger calls out "Don't forget the beer"!

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The Married Couple and the Wife Was Fishing for Compliments

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body"?

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor".

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Qucik Answer

Girl to her boyfriend: Just one kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning.

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The Newly Weds

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

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You asked

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Marriage Bliss

Wife: Honey..... What are you looking for?

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??

Husband : I was just looking for the expiration date.

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By Gum! By Gum!

Aboard an El Al flight from Israel to America, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.

The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears"?

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Another Confession

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either"!

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An Irish Widow Confesses

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear"?

She says, Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night".

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests"?

She says, "That he did, Father".

The priest says, "What did he ask Mary"?

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'"

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The Bearer of Bad News

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband"?

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda.

"Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry".

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim"?

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned".

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly"?

"Well, In fact, he got out three times to pee".

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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

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