Wednesday 4th November 2020 - 22:06:21 

Previously On Johns-Jokes

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Where can I Buy Some?

Have you heard about the new morning after pill for men?

You take it the next morning and it changes your blood type.

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Chance Meeting at the Supermarket

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.

If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout and as she was on her way out of the store the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ...I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

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I Bet You Can't...

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the wife said "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

The husband thought for a few moments,then said "your pussy is tighter than your sister's"

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The Flight Stewardess

The one I've always liked was about the (alleged to be true, but who knows?) unintentional cabin announcement after a particularly rough landing.

Upon getting safely (albeit roughly) on the ground and making the obligatory "Welcome to wherever ..." announcement to the cabin the pilot forgot to release his mic switch (or it stuck) and turned to the first officer to exclaim: "Gawd Almighty, that was a rough one. Right now all I want is a beer and blow-job".

One of the stewardesses in the cabin, in a panic to alert the pilot that his mic' is on, dashes toward the cabin door.

At which point a helpful passenger calls out "Don't forget the beer"!

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The Married Couple and the Wife Was Fishing for Compliments

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body"?

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor".

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Qucik Answer

Girl to her boyfriend: Just one kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning.

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The Newly Weds

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

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You asked

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Marriage Bliss

Wife: Honey..... What are you looking for?

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??

Husband : I was just looking for the expiration date.

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By Gum! By Gum!

Aboard an El Al flight from Israel to America, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.

The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears"?

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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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