Thursday 17th October 2019 - 03:30:33 

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The Shy Guy in the Singles Bar


Chuck was always shy with girls. One evening, he got his best friend, Bob, to go with him to a singles bar. Bob, being very experienced, was supposed to help Chuck in his quest for female companionship, and sexual companionship.

One sweet young thing in the room noticed Chuck, thought he was cute, and decided to make contact with him. Since she was a little shy, she could not just go up to him, but had to use gestures.

"Bob," Chuck said. "That girl over there is giving me the eye. What should I do?"

"Give her the eye back," replied Bob. So Chuck, as best as he could, gave her the eye. A few moments passed.

"Bob," said Chuck, now getting rather excited. "She's smiling at me. What do I do?"

"Smile back," was the reply. So Chuck, trying to appear cool and calm, smiled back. A few more moments passed.

"Bob!" exclaimed Chuck. "She bent over and showed me her tits. Now what do I do?"

"Show her your nuts," Bob calmly replied.

So Chuck turned toward the girl, stuck his thumbs in his ears, and waving his fingers stuck out his tongue, and wiggling it, exclaimed, "Bluble, bluble, bluble!"


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All Torn-up


A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."

"Go on," the friend said.

"Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes."

"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.

"Did you ever goose a tiger?"


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Did You Enjoy the Sex?


A man and his wife are in the bedroom one night and they've just finished having sex.

"Honey, did you enjoy the sex we just had?" he asks.

"Yes, of course, Dear. Didn't you hear me laughing?"


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The New Chandelier for the Synagogue


Old Rabbi Wolfson was begging his board of directors to buy a new chandelier for the synagogue. Pleading for more than an hour, he sat down sullen and hopeless in his ambition to acquire a chandelier.

Then the elder president of the board stood up. "What're we wasting time talkin' for?" he said rhetorically. "Foist of all, a chandelier, ... we ain't got nobody who could even spell it. Second, we ain't got nobody who could even play it. And third, what we need most in the synagogue is more light!"


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Humour


When a guy says that he likes a woman with a sense of humour, he IS NOT talking about a girl who tells jokes.

He's talking about a girl who laughs at his jokes!


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Just a Little More


Two housewives were discussing their home lives over shopping. One said, "It seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so
upset over our last fight I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another 10 pounds."


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Little Johnny's Homework Excuse


When little Johnny was in the fifth grade he looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Johnny, I hope it's not homework again"?

"Well, uh, yes it is", replied Johnny. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane".

"Johnny, you're right that wasn't a very bright thing to do", said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in".

"Oh, but that won't work", said Johnny, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked".


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Red Cross


Despite warnings from her guide, Vickie skiing in Switzerland got separated from her group and fell into a deep crevasse.

Several hours later, a rescue party found the hole, and to reassure the

stranded skier shouted down to her, "We're from the Red Cross"

"Sorry," Vickie echoed back, "I already gave at the office!"


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Computer Dependency Test


Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we
have become too dependent on our computers.

Q: Are you male or female?

To find out the answer, look down...

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

Look down, not scroll down, dummy!


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Fight with the Little Woman


Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had a fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!'"


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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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