Latest And Greatest One Liners
Vegetarian: Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish or ride.
Common Sense is like Deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
On the internet you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
They say money doesn't bring you happiness..I say neither does being broke.
The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
PLEASE..Pick up the phone and text your husband how much you love and care about him.
I do not want to see that shit on facebook.
Does anyone remember that one time, before Facebook, when we all went out and did stuff?
I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds...
then I got a Facebook account and now I'm over it.
It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer, or porn.
This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars!
I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia! Fcuk!
Women are like angels... when something breaks their wings, they simply continue to fly on a broomstick.
They're flexible like that!