Thursday 13th May 2021 - 10:11:26 

More Medical Reports


Allegedly sentences actually typed by Glaswegian medical secretaries

  1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

  2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

  3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

  4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

  5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

  6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

  7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

  8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

  9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

  10. Healthy appearing 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

  11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

  12. She is numb from her toes down.

  13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

  14. The skin was moist and dry.

  15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

  16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

  17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

  18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

  19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

  20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

  21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

  22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

  23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

  24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

  25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

  26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

  27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

  28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

  29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

  30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

  31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ‘Smith’, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

  32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

  33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Maybe best to stay very far away from hospitals?

Quotes for Today:

Piece of Pith:
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: ? Take two aspirin' and ?keep away from children'.

Piece of Pith:
Old people love to give good advice to console themselves for no longer being able to set a bad example.'
La Rochefoucald  

Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master.
Leonardo da Vinci 

Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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