One Liners Version: 003

A horse walks up to the bar to get a drink and the bartender says 'what’s with the long face'?

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Everybody repeat after me..."We are all individuals."

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A good pun is its own reword.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!