Public Service Announcements

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK": She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER": She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
She is not "EASY": She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
She is not a "DUMB BLONDE": She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
She has not "BEEN AROUND": She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
She is not an "AIRHEAD": She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY": She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS": She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
She does not "NAG" you: She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
She is not a "TRAMP": She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS": She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER": She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a "BEER GUT": He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
He is not a "BAD DANCER": He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME": He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
He is not "BALDING": He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER": He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK": He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS": He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG": He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT": He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
He is not "HORNY": He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants: It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

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