Quotations All About Tax
-- Dave Barry
"The number of words dealing with income taxes in the Internal Revenue Code and IRS regulations rose nearly tenfold between 1955 and 2005, from 718,000 to more than 7 million How is a mugger different from the Internal Revenue Service? Both take your money, but the mugger doesn't make you fill out forms."
--Jacob Sullum in Reason
"More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments."
-- Robert Orben
"To tax and to please, no more than to love and to be wise, is not given to men."
-- Edmund Burke, 18th Century Irish political philosopher and British statesman
"Taxation with representation ain't so hot either."
-- Gerald Barzan, humorist
"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq."
"The IRS now says you can deduct weight loss plans off your taxes. You can write it off because the government has officially declared obesity a disease. And it's a disease, you can deduct medical expenses. That shows what a difference an administration can make. See under Bush, obesity is a disease. Under Clinton it was just sexy."
"The term "tax humor" is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
-- John F. Lekel
"You must pay taxes. But there's no law that says you gotta leave a tip."
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
-- Dave Barry
"If a person is an economic being and figures out the odds, then there is a very high incentive to cheat. That is, of course, putting aside honor, duty and patriotism."
-- Jerome Kurtz, former Commissioner, Internal Revenue Service
"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."
Called in for an audit, Mr. Briggs was confronted by a surly IRS agent. "It says here, Mr. Briggs, that you are a bachelor; yet you claim a dependent son. Surely this must be a mistake." Looking him straight in the eye, Mr. Briggs replied, "Yup, it surely was."
"A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest."
-- C Bob Thaves
"The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts."
-- Dave Barry
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
-- Jay Leno
"If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct."
-- Fran Lebowitz
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids."
-- Harvey Mackay
" In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other."
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
-- J. Danforth Quayle V.P.
The more you earn, the less you keep,
And now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to take,
If the tax collector hasn't got it before I wake.
-- Ogden Nash
This guy walks into the tax auditor's office, the auditor looks at him and says, "Please Mr. Johnson, take a seat. We already own a piece of yours."