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Quotes From The Management


"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
-Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp.

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
-Lykes Lines Shipping

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
-Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
-Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
-Plant Manager, Delco Corporation

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
-R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3MCorp.

"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
-Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
-Shipping executive, FTD Florists

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
-Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division

"My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected."
-CIO of Dell Computers

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo mentioned above."
-Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division

One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
-New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards

As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the "Pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired - and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
-Taco Bell Corporation

From: Lynne

Quotes for Today:

At the party last night, i asked every husband to go stand next to the person who made his life worth living... the bartender was almost crushed to death. :)

Bart, just remember, trying is the first step to failure.
Homer Simpson 

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

This can save your bacon


The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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