Friday 3rd December 2021 - 04:33:48 

Quotes I Like


They lie about me
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
- - Yogi Berra

I am surprised at the way people seem to perceive me, and sometimes I read stories and hear things about me and I go "ugh." I wouldn't like her either. It's so unlike what I think I am or what my friends think I am.
- - Hillary Rodham Clinton

There was a lot of tabloid journalism about my supposed sex addiction. Bullshit. It's all bullshit. I mean, come on, I never pretended to be a saint. But give me a break.
- - Michael Douglas

Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
- - Mark Twain (Cable to the Associated Press on learning that his obituary had been published.)

They're mean to me
I'm not Jacko, I'm Jackson... 'Wacko Jacko' - Where did that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings. I feel that when you do that to me, it's not nice.
- - Michael Jackson

I'm not an Uncle Tom. . .. I'm going to be here for 40 years. For those who don't like it, get over it.
- - Clarence Thomas

People have been so busy relating to how I look, it's a miracle I didn't become a self-conscious blob of protoplasm.
- - Robert Redford

People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?
- - Imelda Marcos

I can't get no respect.
- - Rodney Dangerfield

They have vilified me, they have crucified me, yes, they have even criticized me.
- - Richard J. Daley

Just because I have my standards, they think I'm a bitch.
- - Diana Ross

They're unfair to me
If I make a move, like raise my eyebrows, some critic says I'm doing Nicholson. What am I supposed to do, cut off my eyebrows?
- - Christian Slater

If I walked on water people would say I couldn't swim.
- - John Turner

The truth is, I've made about 30 movies in 30 years, and I've been criticized for 30 years for not making more movies.
- - Dustin Hoffman

If I would believe what I read about myself, I would hate my guts too.
- - Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's not easy to be as great as I am
Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.
- - Marilyn Monroe

Celebrity is a pretty stunning thing. At first I was like 'They love me! Oh, I love them, too.' And suddenly, I was tap-dancing on my pedestal and it was whack! Facedown in the dirt.
- - Sharon Stone, Oct. 14, 1994

It really isn't anybody's business how many people we have working for us. What's offensive is that I'm portrayed as this prima donna with these sycophants telling me how great I am all the time Yes, they do work for me, but we're working together for a higher good.
- - Demi Moore

There are, I think, three countries left in the world where I can go and I'm not as well-known as I am here. I'm a pretty big star, folks - I don't have to tell you. Superstar, I guess you could say.
- - Bruce Willis (1998)

It's not that easy bein' green.
- - Kermit the Frog

I've sold too many books to get good reviews anymore. There's a lot of jealousy, because [reviewers] think they can write a good novel or a best-seller and get frustrated when they can't. I've learned to despise them.
- - John Grisham, April 1, 1994

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.
- - Bob Dylan

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.
- - John Barrymore

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.
- - Jerry Lewis

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.
- - Julie Andrews

My love life stinks
I've had diseases that lasted longer than my marriages.
- - Nell Carter

I tried phone sex - it gave me an ear infection.
- - Richard Lewis

If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.
- - Rodney Dangerfield

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
- - Joan Rivers

Sex is God's joke on human beings.
- - Bette Davis

The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.
- - Glenda Jackson

I've never yet met a man who could look after me. I don't need a husband. What I need is a wife.
- - -Joan Collins

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children" -- they leave skid marks.
- - -Rita Rudner

The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty.
- - Woody Allen

You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat.
- - Mike Tyson

It's not easy to be a woman
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
- - -Dolly Parton (about herself)

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold.
- - Marlo Thomas

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood--Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.
- -Goldie Hawn

And being gay isn't so easy, either
I've always said that if anyone ever thought I was straight they must need glasses -- but when I finally came out and said, "Yes, I do sleep with men and I'm gay," yeah, I lost record sales. There's no question -- big, big time.
- - Boy George

I have a hard job
People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out to be, like, eighty. And their letters always end with, "Just joking." "
- - Dave Barry

Just standing around looking beautiful is so boring, really boring, so boring.
- - Michelle Pfeiffer

Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It's what everybody likes. At least it's not an awful body count - it's a fun body count.
- - Bonnie Bedelia

On stage I make love to 25,000 people; then I go home alone.
- - Janis Joplin

People have this obsession. They want you to be like you were in 1969. They want you to, because otherwise their youth goes with you.
- - -Mick Jagger, 1993

I'll be dead by the time I'm forty.
- - -Rod Stewart

One thing about being successful is that I stopped being afraid of dying. Once you're a star you're dead already. You're embalmed.
- - Dustin Hoffman, 1984

The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse.
- - Jacqueline Kennedy

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
- - Joan Rivers

The more you stay in this kind of job, the more you realize that a public figure, a major public figure, is a lonely man.
- - Richard M. Nixon

To become a celebrity is to become a brand name. There is Ivory Soap, Rice Krispies, and Philip Roth. Ivory is the soap that floats; Rice Krispies the breakfast cereal that goes snap-crackle-pop; Philip Roth the Jew who masturbates with a piece of liver.
- - Philip Roth, 1981

I hate my job
I'd rather be dead than singing "Satisfaction" when I'm forty-five.
- - Mick Jagger

Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver. Finishing second in politics gets you oblivion.
- - Richard M. Nixon, 1988

It's a drag having to wear socks during matches, because the tan, like, stops at the ankles. I can never get my skin, like, color coordinated.
- - Monica Seles

Sometimes I feel like an old hooker.
- - Cher

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes- and six months later you have to start all over again.
- - Joan Rivers

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul.
- - Marilyn Monroe

We've become so glorified in the movie-star system that it's become this artificial royalty. The truth is that we're circus clowns.
-- Nicolas Cage

My attitude about Hollywood is that I wouldn't walk across the street to pull one of those executives out of the snow if he was bleeding to death. Not unless I was paid for it. None of them ever did me any favors.
- - James Woods

I guess I've overindulged at times
They shoulda called me Little Cocaine, I was sniffing so much of the stuff! My nose got big enough to back a diesel truck in, unload it, and drive it right out again.
- - Little Richard

With every smell, I smell food. With every sight, I see food. I can almost hear food. I want to spade the whole lot through my mouth at Mach 2. Basta!
- - Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York (1997)

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.
- - Dean Martin

I don't mind that I'm fat. You still get the same money.
- - -Marlon Brando, 1989

If I could live my life over again, there is one thing I would change. I would want to be able to eat less.
- - Luciano Pavarotti

One more drink and I'll be under the host.
- - Dorothy Parker

Life is tough
Everything I want is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
- - Alexander Woollcott

Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.
- - Robert Redford

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
- - Woody Allen

When I die, my epitaph should read: She Paid the Bills. That's the story of my private life.
- - Gloria Swanson

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.
- - Bette Midler

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- - Andy Rooney

Life is not fair
I have a feeling that when my ship comes in I'll be at the airport.
- - Charles M. Schultz (Peanuts)

Every year back spring comes, with nasty little birds, yapping their fool heads off.
- - Dorothy Parker

People want you to be a crazy, out-of-control teen brat. They want you miserable, just like them. They don't want heroes; what they want is to see you fall.
- -Leonardo DiCaprio

Spring makes everything look filthy.
- - Katherine Whitehorn

If I had any decency, I'd be dead. Most of my friends are.
- - Dorothy Parker

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- - Lily Tomlin

I had a dysfunctional family
We're an ideal political family, as accessible as Disneyland.
- - -Maureen Reagan

It was no great tragedy being Judy Garland's daughter. I had tremendously interesting childhood years--except they had little to do with being a child.
- - -Liza Minnelli

I wouldn't have turned out the way I was if I didn't have all those old-fashioned values to rebel against.
- - -Madonna (1992)

It really bothers me when I see people doing my mother in drag. I mean, just imagine if you saw people doing that with your mother.
- - Chastity Bono

My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.
- - - Lee Trevino

My looks aren't that great
I guess I look like a rock quarry that someone has dynamited.
- - Charles Bronson

I have a face like the behind of an elephant.
- - Charles Laughton

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"
- - Robin Williams, about his body hair.

I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.
- - David Niven

My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain.
- - W. H. Auden

I have eyes like those of a dead pig.
- - Marlon Brando

I'm not handsome in the classical sense. The eyes droop, the mouth is crooked, the teeth aren't straight, the voice sounds like a mafioso pallbearer.
- - Sylvester Stallone

I have everything I had twenty years ago - except now it's all lower.
- - -Gypsy Rose Lee

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.
- - Phyllis Diller

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want- an adorable pancreas?
- - Jean Kerr

I've made sacrifices
I have sacrificed everything in my life that I consider precious in order to advance the political career of my husband.
- - Pat Nixon

Miscellaneous Complaints
Don't tell anyone. I'm supposed to be dumb.
- - Former supermodel Helena Christensen admits she can speak six languages

As far as I am concerned, being any gender is a drag.
- - Patti Smith

I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of vaginas. They bother me in the way that spiders bother some people.
- - Boy George

I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it's so petty.
- - Imelda Marcos

Moses dragged us through the desert to the one place in the Middle East where there is no oil.
- - Golda Meir

I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out.
- - Dolly Parton

Rock 'n Roll: The most brutal, ugly, desperate, vicious form of expression it has been my misfortune to hear.
- - Frank Sinatra

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
--Frank Zappa

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- - Phyllis Diller

And finally

Somebody's boring me I think it's me.
- - -Dylan Thomas

You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.
- - Richard Nixon, 1962

Compliments of:

Quotes for Today:

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters (and keyboards).
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) 

I'm happy to report that it has been a couple of weeks since I had a cigarette and my desire to kill people is beginning to fade. Of course writing this has created an urge for a smoke...

Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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