Friday 14th August 2020 - 12:28:04 

Selected Quotations

Famous & Inspirational Quotes

  • Taoism: shit happens
    Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit
    Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah
    Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it
    Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?
    Atheism: I don't believe this shit


  • That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
    Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913) 

  • The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent !

  • The covers of this book are too far apart.
    Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913) 

  • The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
    George Deukmejian  

  • The Fifth Law of Pipes: The outside diameter must exceed the inside diameter; otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.

  • The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it

  • The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life
    Muhammad Ali  

  • The more you have the less you show, the less you have the more you show.

  • The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.

  • The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.” ~
    William Shakespeare, Othello 

  • The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
    George Bernard Shaw, Irish literary critic, playwright and essayist (1856-1950)  

  • The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
    Gilbert Chesterton (1874-1936) 

  • The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?

  • The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
    Edsgar Dijkstra 

  • The way a man wins shows most of his character. The way he loses shows all of it.

  • The word 'Listen' contains the same letters as the word 'Silent'.

  • The years teach what the days never know.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson 

  • There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

  • There are only 2 kinds of software, Beta and obsolete.

  • There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

  • There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.

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Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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