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Red Skelton’s Recipe For A Perfect Marriage


  1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
    She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
  2. We also sleep in separate beds.
    Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .
  3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
  4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
    So I suggested the kitchen.
  5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
    She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
  7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
    I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
  8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
    Then the mud fell off.
  9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
    The driver said, "No, jump in!".
  10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
  12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
    I don't like to interrupt her.
  13. The last fight was my fault though.
    My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
    I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.
It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words,
"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

Another good one from: Claude


Quotes for Today:

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.
Arj Barker  

I do know everything, just not all at once. It's a virtual memory problem.

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

This can save your bacon


The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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