Wednesday 26th September 2018 - 01:32:12 

Short Jokes And Some One Liners

 

This joke goes out to all the paranoia sufferers out there..... You know who you are....


Overheard in a hardware store...
Blond: Do you sell colour TV's?
Clerk: Yes we do
Blond: Have you got one in red?


What do you call a man with a toe made of rubber?
Roberto


What is Santa’s Favourite Pizza? ..... One that’s deep pan, crisp and even


My dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray.
He is now classed as a seasoned veteran.


My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.


My girlfriend gave me fifty quid and told me to go out and get something that would make her look sexy.
You should have seen her face when I came home pissed


Today is International Women's Day.
It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.


There's got to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction


My dog kept chasing people on a bike.
So we took his bike off him.
Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day.
So we gave him his bike back.
Because his bark was worse than his bike.


Couldn't it believe my flat-mate got fired from his job as a road worker for stealing.
Just did not believe it however when I got home the signs were everywhere !!!


I tried to commit suicide yesterday.....I'm not trying that again...it almost killed me.

Quotes for Today:

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.
 


I have noticed even people who claim everything is redestined and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.
S.Hawking 


I have recently realised that there is a case of 'You can take the Farang out of Sukhumvit, but you can't take Sukhumvit out of the Farang'
 

This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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