Sms One Liners
- News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
- God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
- The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
- CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
- Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
- This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
- Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
- I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
- ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
- Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
- Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
- I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
- There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
- What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
- What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
- I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
- A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
- Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
- What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
- The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?
- WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
- Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
- Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
- What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already!
- What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
- Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
- Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
- I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
- I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
- How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
- What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
- Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
- Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
- Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
- What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
- What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
- How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
- Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?A: We don't know. Never happens.
- Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
- I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
- Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
- What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
- I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
- It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
- I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- My Reality Check bounced.
- Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
- Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
- God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
- The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
- CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
- Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
- This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
- Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
- I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
- ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
- Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
- Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
- I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
- There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
- What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
- What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
- I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
- A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
- Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
- What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
- The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?
- WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
- Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
- Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
- What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already!
- What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
- Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
- Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
- I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
- I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
- How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
- What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
- Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
- Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
- Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
- What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
- What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
- How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
- Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?A: We don't know. Never happens.
- Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
- I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
- Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
- What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
- I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
- It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
- I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- My Reality Check bounced.
- Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
- Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!