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Some Funny Marriage Quotes

 

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
*David Bissonette*



When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
*Sacha Guitry*



After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
*Hemant Joshi*



By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
*Socrates*



Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
*Dumas*



The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want **?
*Sigmund Freud*



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
*Anonymous*



Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
*Henry Youngman*



I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
*Sam Kinison*



There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
*James Holt McGavran*



I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
*Patrick Murray*



Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
*Nash*



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
*Anonymous*



You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
*Henny Youngman*



My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
*Rodney Dangerfield*



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
*Milton Berle*



Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
*Anonymous*



A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine".
*Anonymous*



First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive".




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Quotes for Today:

Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
Will Rogers 


Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A. L. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)  


Discipline is remembering what you want.
David Campbell 

This can save your bacon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

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Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

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