Some Important Things To Remember
1. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and tour boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to tour door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11. Definition of a teenager? Your punishment...for enjoying sex.