Thursday 22nd November 2018 - 01:46:07 

T-shirt Slogans

 

1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

3) I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10) Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13) God must love stupid people, he made so many.

14) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

16) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

17) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

18) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

19) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)

20) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up

21) Procrastinate Now

22) Rehab Is for Quitters

23) My Dog Can Lick Anyone

24) Finally 21, and Legally Able To Do Everything I've Been doing since 15

25) West Virginia: One million people and 15 last names.

26) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

27) MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT

28) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

29) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

30) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

31) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead

32) POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.

33) FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.

34) HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH

35) A PICTURE IS WORTH A 1000 WORDS, but it uses up a 1000 times the memory.

36) The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.

37) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

38) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

39) WELCOME TO SOUTH CAROLINA - Set your watch back 20 years.

40) The trouble with life is there's no background music.

41) The original "point and click interface" was a Smith & Wesson.

Quotes for Today:

When the sun comes up, I have morals again
Elayne Boosler 


When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighter shaking hands.
 


Whenever you are depressed and think that you've lost, remember you are the same sperm that once won the battle To survive among millions of your kind.
 

This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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