Sunday 14th March 2021 - 05:52:01 

Thailand Headlines


Freddie from Surin was fed up with his wife, so he decided to do away with her. He called up his mate Artie, agreed to do the job for 10,000 baht. Freddie was a bit skint so he told his mate he would give him 10baht to seal the contract, and the rest when his wifes insurance was paid.

Artie hides out in Big C toilet, till he see's Freddies wife coming. He strangles her, but just as he was clearing up a maid comes in and starts screaming. He strangles her as well.

The whole thing was caught on video though, and the police came and arrested the murderer.

Next day the headlines read (scroll down...)

Artie chokes two for 10 baht in Big C.

The British Version:

So, here's the story.. . .

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single one pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound coin as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...

You're going to hate me for this...

"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for 1 pound AT TESCO"

Oh, quit groaning!

I don't write this stuff,

I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to my other warped friends.

Another groaner from: Howard

Quotes for Today:

A man is known by the company he avoids.

A man is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.

Build your own satellite and have it launched into Space.

AmbaSat-1 is a tiny Space satellite kit that you launch yourself

The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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