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This Other Guy With A Monkey

 

He walked into a bar with his pet monkey on his shoulder. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls,
Sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table! He swallowed it whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate. Then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again along with his monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" He asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his ass, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first." !!!



Contributor: Howard

Quotes for Today:

The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913) 


The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
George Deukmejian  


The Fifth Law of Pipes: The outside diameter must exceed the inside diameter; otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
 

This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯



The idea is to die young as late as possible

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