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Under The Influence

 

Walking up to the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so ticked off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just
about to make love when her damn husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on. "When her husband came into the room, he said, 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And the lazy son of a bitch urinated out the window right onto my head."

"Yuck!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my damn forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. What really ticked me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his butt out the window and let loose right on my head!"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ticked me off? When I looked down, I noticed that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

Quotes for Today:

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
Abigail Van Buren (1918 - ), 1978 


Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Skill is knowing how to do it. Virtue is doing it.
Thomas Jefferson 


Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.
 

This can save your bacon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

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