Want To Live Longer?
I say life just seems longer because you?re so bored attempting to be nice all the time.
Here in my neck of the Florida woods, most every day some sweet old thing celebrates his or her 100th B?Day. And never with an ill word for anyone.
That just makes me sick.
Most of us have spent a lifetime being nice. Nice to our parents. Nice to our teachers. Nice to dates. And nice to bosses. Why, we've been nice to just about everyone. Even when it hurt.
Nice has become a way of life for our generation.
Even now that we are retired and don't have to be nice to anyone, most of us wouldn't say s**t if we had a mouthful.
Don?t you realize that at our age being nice is contrary to our natures? Grumpy is our true disposition. Besides, being cranky is what everyone expects.
Smile after 60, and the world is immediately suspicious of your every move. Everyone knows that your back aches, your sight is foggy, and you now enjoy the sex drive of a week-old donut.
What do you have to smile about, you old coot?
We're at an age when no matter how pleasant and innocuous we appear, society ignores us anyway, preferring that we, our wrinkles and our funky smells simply disappear, if not from the face of the earth, then at least from the line in front of them at McDonald's.
What to do?
I propose that you make a New Year's Resolution to be a curmudgeon in 2008.
Finally! A Resolution You Can Keep!
Personally, I'm now working hard at becoming a real pain in the ass.
Lucky for me, there's plenty to be a pain in the ass about. Wholesale rudeness. Airports. Congress. ?Customer service.? Telemarketers. Age discrimination. Our lousy healthcare system.
You have your own list. The trick is to do something about it.
As my friend J.C. Spitznagel likes to point out, "Well behaved seniors seldom make history.?
Great minds, from Aristotle to Churchill, all got crankier with age.
Start by getting a bumper sticker saying: "I'M RETIRED. But I work part time being a pain in the butt."
Bellyache every chance you get.
I don't recommend freestyle, angry-at-the-world grouchiness. There's nothing wrong with that as long as having friends is not a priority in your life.
Far more effective, however, is to practice righteous indignation against the specific evils on your list. It feels good. And you might
accomplish something beneficial for the world.
a crusty irascible cantankerous old person full of stubborn ideas