Sunday 19th August 2018 - 20:48:18 

Warning - Guaranteed To Offend Most People

 

To see these offensive comments: hold your left mouse button down and scroll to the end or click CTRL-A.

.......don't forget you have been warned!!!!!



I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him
'I wish I had your will power'


I see British Rail are at it again....
...the sign said if i stood too close to the edge i might get sucked off ???
....4 fukkin hours i wasted


Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........
Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.


I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.
Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did'.


A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said 'sorry about the wait'
I said ' don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually'.


Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight,
I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'


I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes
'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'


I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Muslim" were not the correct answers.


Contributor: Howard

Quotes for Today:

Opportunity comes but does not linger.
Nepalese proverb 


Pay Your Taxes With A Smile - I tried ... but the lady said, 'Cash Only'
 


People There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, Those who watch things happen, and Those who don't know what the hell is happening!
 

This can save your bacon

¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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