Joke of the Day - 1 / 3183 pages

Funeral of a Traffic Warden

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, LET ME OUT!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters " Too f@cking late pal, the paperworks already done!"

An Offer Too Good to Refuse?

An ambitious new sales rep for Heineken beer traveled all the way to Rome and managed to get an audience with the Pope himself.

As soon as the two were alone together, the rep leaned over and whispered, "Your Holiness, I have an offer I think might interest you. I'm in a position to give you one million dollars if you'll change the wording in the Lord's Prayer from 'Our Daily Bread' to 'Our Daily Beer.' What do you think?"

"Absolutely not," said the shocked Pope.

"Hey I understand, it's a big decision," sympathized the salesman. "How about five million dollars?"

"I couldn't think of it," sputtered the Pope.

"I know it's a tough one. Tell you what, I have been authorized to go up as high as fifty million dollars, " proposed the salesman, "but that's our final offer. You have 21 days to think it over."

Asking the salesman to leave the room, the Pope called in one of his top Cardinals and whispered, "When does our contract with the bread company expire?"

Secret Service New Rules of Conduct

The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for agents Friday:

1. You can no longer get drunk
2. Procure hookers
3. Frequent GoGos or strip bars.

Addendum: The rules also say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.
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